Kneel and pray

Hai, im Carolin. For those who dont know me, im a health science student who pursue diploma in pharmacy =) I have to deal with patients and disease in my future. I have to save people from death. I have to make sure my patient is compliance so and so. 

A sudden thinking of am i suit with this field? The more i further study, the more i consider. Im not a genius, i cant memorize all the things i've learn especially the drugs name as well every details of it. Same goes to our body characteristics and functions. Though it related to our bodies but our body system really complicated, too many details things, oh God, how genius you are, created such special human. I do can remember almost all the knowledge for the purpose of exam but it slowly fade after my exam. Do you facing this kind of problems? Ant skills to solve it?

Sometimes, study seriously really ruin my life and make my mind suffer. But i have to stay strong for everyone i love especially my family and the people who love me as well my future patients. And my enemies! I wont let you see i breakdown. 

Day pass day by day, time to posting in hospital is coming soon. Distress follow me everywhere now. Uneasiness drift in my mind, keeps remind me that i have to deal with lot scenes that i never face. Can i handle all those new things? Im afraid i cant do it. What the tasks i need to do during posting? Stock checking? Prescribing? Compounding?  I've no ides. So much superior there, are you kind and friendly? Or you are a cruel and unfriendly? I poor in observing people. Hard for me to understand different kinds of people. Smile got a lot meaning. Some smile from deep inside the heart but some smile evilly. I cant decide whether you are my friends or enemy by judging a smile unless you challenge me face to face. 

My brain is so square. I found it hard to link there and here. I hope i can react spontaneously to avoid all  awkward moments, react with every questions from patients as well others around me so and so. Who willing to train my mind work effectively? Need it badly :( Oh my dear patients, wish you guys are kind enough too, dont make me in trouble. Im still new, without any experiences.

What i can do is, kneel and pray =)